「LIFE」を含む日記

■anond:20190120144540

Let's graduate with wannabies and find yourself in your twenties.

Is not it nice, even if you are survived by everyone else and lady living every day like noodles without any purpose or purpose?

For a third party it is enough for you not to be a criminal or social luggage.

Rather, saying "I am trying to be a Budokan in the morning" or something like stopping work and playing the guitar in the room all day makes me feel creepy.

Please live in goodness and work and live a life.

Society does not want you more than you in your 40's.

You do not have to miss it if you can not do what you are not expecting.

Neither you nor I am the hero of the story.

World population 7.3 billion If everyone moves for what they want to do, this world will be Changaku.

People who have nothing to do are contributing to the peace of the world.

finally I must thank you for a heartfelt endeavor to finish a lifetime that harmless animals.

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■Life ended without knowing what I want to do.

I always ran away from a childhood.

My parents taught me to say "Yoshie" to myself who are only looking at the neighboring children playing from where they are playing. It means that if you write in kanji "wanna be", I want you to put it in a group. At last I never said it.

I was just playing inside the house. I did not get bored because the books and games were given as such. Although I was only watching TV when I was doing animation or special effects, I did not get interested in dramas and song programs.

Kindergarten and elementary school were pitch dark jungle. There are lurid animals lurking around, and it gets bitten when it gets out of hand. They are laughed at by "friends" who do not know their faces and names, are faced with confusion, have remembered remembered.

Because I do not know what will come up in the classroom, I wandered around the school looking for a hiding place. I was afraid to blink because I do not know what to do if my eyes are closed.

When I went to public middle school as it is, I decided to pursue an advanced school at my parent's discretion that he must be killed. I did not know exactly what the school was going to do, but as a result of trying hard as I said, I caught somewhat over there.

I do not know whether public was a good because I do not know public. The classmate was still a flock of beasts, but there was no prominent bad group. There was a big library, so I arrived at the vacant time. The secondhand bookstore in the way back was also a favorite place. It took about an hour from the house by bus, but it was exactly good to read a book and sometimes got over it.

Although it is an advanced school that entered with great difficulty, I do not remember having worked hard on my studies. During the class we did nothing but graffiti in the textbooks and drew the accumulated delusions in secret notes. Although I had the opportunity to choose club activities after enrollment, I was told that my partner in the department I tried to join was left with a promise for the first time as it was. Since it was consistent in middle and high level, there was no break and only the number of the grade increased.

Although I heard that it seems that they will go to university after going out of high school, I did not understand the mechanism of the exam and so on, so I did not distinguish between the mock test and the center exam. Because I was not particularly conscious of which university I wanted to go to, I received the appropriate undergraduate properly for my grades.

I went to the national state of the neighboring prefecture and got a remittance and started living by my own apartment. It was quite a city compared to the mountain and the rural family of the rice fields, but the main use was Super, Hundred Hundred, and a secondhand bookstore old game store. I was thinking only how to live within a given amount of money without doing a part-time job.

Every lecture was interesting, and the library was big. I also touched on computers and the Internet for the first time. However, it was only in truics that gathered up, and I did not know what to aim for.

People around me were no longer beasts at this time, but I could not feel like approaching from myself. Some people call me out and I also tried circle activities, but eventually I did not last long for any relationship. It seemed to be crushed by a feeling of disgust for myself who flew in association with people and inferiority complex to a person advancing with dreams and goals.

The graffiti of the note was continued, but the more I wrote the more I could show my emptiness. The setting and design I thought was original was only imitation of someone. Both love and ideal were words alone, I did not believe anything.

While taking a stroller while taking a unit, I could not write a thesis. I can not think of any theme I want to study. I could not see anything I wanted to do, I should do, I could do nothing. I knew there was no head like I could go to the hospital and I could not do anything that could help society with what I learned.

I smuggled without meaning suddenly in my assigned laboratory, graduated after two years of retirement. I submitted a graduation thesis that just briefly gathered texts gathered with books and the net as it was given to the professor, and escaped to my parents house.

Because I can not just stay in bed at home, I started job hunting, but there is no reason to find a company that only has a college graduate title, there are companies that hire people who do not even know the jobs that I want to do but I do not know. I decided to work hourly as a food warehouse in the neighboring town according to the advice that it is good anywhere as it is supposed to work after trying it. It was supposed to be for the moment, but it has been ten years as it is.

Physical labor was painful but I got used to it for years. Basically it's not necessary to use your head as it just moves boxes according to written numbers. There are people in the surroundings, but there is no talk except a morning greeting and trouble report. Many boxes are shipped everyday, but the buyer knows only the name written on the label. I just keep carrying boxes.

The salary is also about that, as it is a job that also works for student part-time jobs. Thanks to my hometown my savings were somewhat sad, but if there is a big expenditure due to sickness etc. it will easily be erased. I should have searched for another job, but I could not move my mind if I thought that I could do other work for myself struggling even such an easy job.

There is no dissatisfaction with the daily life itself. I do not have to worry about eating and if I am playing games with candy at home if I have stress on work I can solve it. There is no reason to stick to clothes and grooming as I never see anyone outside the company. Especially there are no places to go and nobody wants to see. I do not drink it, do not hit it, do not buy it.

It turned 40 years old. Although I told you to be a fairy when I was alone after passing 40, this may actually be such a fairy town. Instead of struggling, new things do not happen. Like a light rainy afternoon, quietly just waiting for the night.

This week was a similar week as last week. It will be the same next week. Every day next month and next year, days that do not change will continue. In the meantime parents fall down. And then. There is only a big event left in life anymore.

I think that my life has already ended. I am not dead alone, I am not alive. You can set as many small targets as you want, but it will never lead to something else.

Even though I thought what I wanted to do, I did not understand it after all. I feel a little sad when I think that it is born empty and die empty.

• 何がしたいのか分からないまま人生が終わった https://anond.hatelabo.jp/20190119193055

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■[日本語サイトはてブ数]2019年1月17日木曜日の増減

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■[日本語サイトはてブ数]2019年1月10日木曜日の増減

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■[日本語サイトはてブ数]2019年1月3日木曜日の増減

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■Bohemian Rhapsody

Is this the real life?

この世はうつつか

Is this just fantasy?

はたまた幻か

Caught in a landslide

踏み外せば最後

No escape from reality

現実からは逃げられぬ

Open your eyes

さあ　目を開いて

Look up to the skies and see

お天道さんを見上げてみろよ

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

僕は惨めな男　同情はいらぬ

Because I'm easy come, easy go

甲斐性なしで

A little high, little low

うだつの上がらん奴さ

Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

どこ吹く風さ　僕のことはどうかお構い無く

Mama, just killed a man

母さん　人を殺しちまった

Put a gun against his head

奴の頭に銃を当て

Pulled my trigger, now he's dead

引き金を握ったら　死んじまった

Mama, life had just begun

母さん　人生は始まったばかり

But now I've gone and thrown it all away

なのに　もう台無しだよ

Mama, ooo

ああ　母さん

Didn't mean to make you cry

あなたを泣かせたくない

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow

だから俺が明日帰らぬ人になっても

Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

どうか気にせず過ごしておくれ

Too late, my time has come

もう手遅れさ　俺の番だ

Sends shivers down my spine

背筋を寒気が襲い

Body's aching all the time

全身に痛みが走る

Goodbye, everybody I've got to go

さらばみんな　もう行かねば

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

お別れさ　あの世に旅立つ時だ

Mama, ooo (anyway the wind blows)

ああ母さん　（どこ吹く風さ）

I don't wanna die

死にたくないよ

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

いっそ生まれてこなければよかった

I see a little silhouetto of a man

小さな人影が見えるぞ

Scaramouche, Scaramouche will you do the fandango

よう旦那　冥土でお祭りかい

Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me

閃く雷電　眩い雷光

Galileo, Galileo,

神様？　神様？

Galileo, Galileo,

神様？　神様？

Galileo Figaro - Magnifico

神様？　ああ　あなたは　閻魔様！

But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me

俺は惨めな男　嫌われ者さ

He's just a poor boy from a poor family

奴も同じだ　貧しい身の上

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

奴はこの冥界から解放しろ

Easy come easy go will you let me go

楽勝　じゃあ俺も　出してくれよ

Bismillah! No, we will not let you go - let him go

ならぬ！　貴様は行かせるものか　奴を連れ出せ！

Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go!

ならぬ！　貴様は行かせるものか　奴を連れ出せ！

Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go!

ならぬ！　貴様は行かせるものか　出してくれよ！

Will not let you go let me go (never)

貴様は行かせないぞ　出してくれよ！　（だめだ）

Never let you go - let me go

行かせぬぞ　出してくれよ！

Never let me go ooo

出してくれないの

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

ダメだ　そんな　殺生な

Oh, mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go

なあ　お願いだよ　出してくれ

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me

地獄で鬼が待ち構えてんだよ

For me

この俺を

For me

この俺を

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye

僕にちょっかいを出すとこういうハメになるぞ？

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

それでも僕を愛した末に見捨てたりできんの？

Oh baby, can't do this to me baby

なああんた　できっこないだろ

Just gotta get out just gotta get right outta here

ならほっといてくれ　ここから出て行ってくれよ

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

Nothing really matters

どうでもいいことさ

Anyone can see

わかるだろ

Nothing really matters Nothing really matters to me

どうでもいいんだ　僕のことはどうかお構いなく

Anyway the wind blows

どこ吹く風さ……

《最後にタムタム（銅鑼）の音》

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■[日本語サイトはてブ数]2018年12月27日木曜日の増減

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■anond:20181227111630

Civilization VI (蛮族が異様に強い シュミレーション)

Life is Strange (SF百合 アドベンチャー)

Beholder (全体主義の国でめぞん一刻 アドベンチャー)

My Child Lebensborn (ノルウエーの暗黒史。ドイツ兵とのハーフの子を引き取った話。シュミレーション)

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■KKOが主役・登場する作品

KKO（キモくて金のないおっさん）が主役又は、登場する作品は何かあるのだろうか？

映画「三丁目の夕日」シリーズの茶川かと思ったけど、頭はぼさぼさとはいえ、そこまではキモくないし。

「ぼくのおじさん」（https://filmarks.com/movies/65725）という映画も思いついた。あの人は大学で先生をしているけど勤務日数が少ないのでお金が無い。

しかし、キモくはないしおっさんという程の年齢でもなかったような？年齢設定があったかな？でもハッタリ野郎ではある。

あらすじが偏向している。

https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E3%81%BC%E3%81%8F%E3%81%AE%E3%81%8A%E3%81%98%E3%81%95%E3%82%93

ぼくのおじさんはお小遣いもくれない、動物園にも連れていってくれない、宿題も見てくれない･･･、友達に誇るべきところが一切ない何も役に立たない存在だった。

これはあらすじか？

「Life Cycles」（https://filmarks.com/movies/69303）という短編映画は金のないおっさんが主人公だが、別に気持ち悪くはない。

漫画の「こちら葛飾区亀有公園前派出所」の両津勘吉がＫＫＯだろうか？

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■[日本語サイトはてブ数]2018年12月20日木曜日の増減

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■Global Gender Gap Index 2018

http://reports.weforum.org/global-gender-gap-report-2018

スコア（順位/149カ国）