My parents taught me to say "Yoshie" to myself who are only looking at the neighboring children playing from where they are playing. It means that if you write in kanji "wanna be", I want you to put it in a group. At last I never said it.
I was just playing inside the house. I did not get bored because the books and games were given as such. Although I was only watching TV when I was doing animation or special effects, I did not get interested in dramas and song programs.
Kindergarten and elementary school were pitch dark jungle. There are lurid animals lurking around, and it gets bitten when it gets out of hand. They are laughed at by "friends" who do not know their faces and names, are faced with confusion, have remembered remembered.
When I went to public middle school as it is, I decided to pursue an advanced school at my parent's discretion that he must be killed. I did not know exactly what the school was going to do, but as a result of trying hard as I said, I caught somewhat over there.
I do not know whether public was a good because I do not know public. The classmate was still a flock of beasts, but there was no prominent bad group. There was a big library, so I arrived at the vacant time. The secondhand bookstore in the way back was also a favorite place. It took about an hour from the house by bus, but it was exactly good to read a book and sometimes got over it.
Although it is an advanced school that entered with great difficulty, I do not remember having worked hard on my studies. During the class we did nothing but graffiti in the textbooks and drew the accumulated delusions in secret notes. Although I had the opportunity to choose club activities after enrollment, I was told that my partner in the department I tried to join was left with a promise for the first time as it was. Since it was consistent in middle and high level, there was no break and only the number of the grade increased.
Although I heard that it seems that they will go to university after going out of high school, I did not understand the mechanism of the exam and so on, so I did not distinguish between the mock test and the center exam. Because I was not particularly conscious of which university I wanted to go to, I received the appropriate undergraduate properly for my grades.
I went to the national state of the neighboring prefecture and got a remittance and started living by my own apartment. It was quite a city compared to the mountain and the rural family of the rice fields, but the main use was Super, Hundred Hundred, and a secondhand bookstore old game store. I was thinking only how to live within a given amount of money without doing a part-time job.
Every lecture was interesting, and the library was big. I also touched on computers and the Internet for the first time. However, it was only in truics that gathered up, and I did not know what to aim for.
People around me were no longer beasts at this time, but I could not feel like approaching from myself. Some people call me out and I also tried circle activities, but eventually I did not last long for any relationship. It seemed to be crushed by a feeling of disgust for myself who flew in association with people and inferiority complex to a person advancing with dreams and goals.
The graffiti of the note was continued, but the more I wrote the more I could show my emptiness. The setting and design I thought was original was only imitation of someone. Both love and ideal were words alone, I did not believe anything.
While taking a stroller while taking a unit, I could not write a thesis. I can not think of any theme I want to study. I could not see anything I wanted to do, I should do, I could do nothing. I knew there was no head like I could go to the hospital and I could not do anything that could help society with what I learned.
I smuggled without meaning suddenly in my assigned laboratory, graduated after two years of retirement. I submitted a graduation thesis that just briefly gathered texts gathered with books and the net as it was given to the professor, and escaped to my parents house.
Because I can not just stay in bed at home, I started job hunting, but there is no reason to find a company that only has a college graduate title, there are companies that hire people who do not even know the jobs that I want to do but I do not know. I decided to work hourly as a food warehouse in the neighboring town according to the advice that it is good anywhere as it is supposed to work after trying it. It was supposed to be for the moment, but it has been ten years as it is.
Physical labor was painful but I got used to it for years. Basically it's not necessary to use your head as it just moves boxes according to written numbers. There are people in the surroundings, but there is no talk except a morning greeting and trouble report. Many boxes are shipped everyday, but the buyer knows only the name written on the label. I just keep carrying boxes.
The salary is also about that, as it is a job that also works for student part-time jobs. Thanks to my hometown my savings were somewhat sad, but if there is a big expenditure due to sickness etc. it will easily be erased. I should have searched for another job, but I could not move my mind if I thought that I could do other work for myself struggling even such an easy job.
There is no dissatisfaction with the daily life itself. I do not have to worry about eating and if I am playing games with candy at home if I have stress on work I can solve it. There is no reason to stick to clothes and grooming as I never see anyone outside the company. Especially there are no places to go and nobody wants to see. I do not drink it, do not hit it, do not buy it.
It turned 40 years old. Although I told you to be a fairy when I was alone after passing 40, this may actually be such a fairy town. Instead of struggling, new things do not happen. Like a light rainy afternoon, quietly just waiting for the night.
This week was a similar week as last week. It will be the same next week. Every day next month and next year, days that do not change will continue. In the meantime parents fall down. And then. There is only a big event left in life anymore.