「fear」を含む日記 RSS

はてなキーワード: fearとは

2019-03-11

fear of missing out 。。。読書メーター投稿しなくなったし、離れた理由か。腑に落ちた。

2019-02-20

anond:20190220105759

差別偏見増長になるので積極開示しないだけで、犯罪者になりやすい傾向、犯罪者になりやすい生育環境 ってのはある

例えば、発達障がい、中でもアスペCU特性(Callous-Unemotional Traits:無感覚感情的特徴)など

異常に親権の強い日本でも検査などは一応やってはい

ただ強制じゃないので、親の意識が相当高くないと、大学国立病院に足を運ぼうとはならないと思う

そもそも、親がこれだけ意識が高ければ、子が犯罪者になるとは考えにくい

犯罪者環境(特に親)+生まれつきの性質から

なお、犯罪者にならないサイコパス成功したサイコパスといい、

CEO外科医弁護士警察官シェフ などに多いそう

なおワイはサイコパス心拍数が低いのは顕著な傾向だと無批判に思ってきたが(例えばこういうの↓)

Am I a psychopath? You asked Googlehere’s the answer

If you’re not an athlete, and your heart rate is lower than average, you may be interested to discover that bradycardia, as it’s known, is more strongly correlated with psychopathy than smoking is with lung cancer.

That doesn’t mean everyone with a slow heart rate is a psychopath, but a very high percentage of psychopaths have slow heart rates.Why on earth would that be the case?

It turns out that there are a number of physiological traits strongly linked to psychopathy, including tell-tale patterns of activation in the brain and autonomic nervous system.

One theory is that psychopaths inherit a set of genes that make it harder to experience fear or excitement.

適当

Googleサイコパス のことを聞いてみた結果

心拍数が低い=サイコパスではないが、アスリートでもないのに心拍数が低いのはサイコパスの傾向が高いよ

脳と自律神経の働き方に特徴があり、恐怖や興奮などの刺激が感じにくいのではと考えられているよ

今日、改めてググってみたら、

今までの研究サンプル数が少ないのでやり直してみたら、サイコパス特別心拍数が低い とか無かったよってあったわ

ほえ〜

Resting heart rate and psychopathy: Findings from the Add Health Survey

引用元https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/205005v3


Despite the prior linkages of low resting heart rate to antisocial behavior broadly defined, less work has been done examining possible associations between heart rate to psychopathic traits.

(中略)

No significant relationship between heart rate and psychopathic traits, or heart rate and a measure of cold heartedness, was found after controlling for age, sex, and race.

2018-12-03

You won't fear any pain.

In the direction where you feel the pain, there's an exit.

From the line of "Dennou Coil".

2018-10-25

anond:20181024151835

fairからfearを感じる

まれた方々がいる限り

そりゃ無理な話だ

2018-05-12

She was born from my kiss and your anguish.

So, you gotta come back, You should've left this Space already!


You definitely can't part from me. You're the one who gave birth to me. I'm the child you made to eat your anguish and sadness. It doesn't matter how many times you kill me, I'll always be born again. Because I'm your true soul. You wanted to throw away your feelings for your brother, and become an adult without me. I won't allow that. In this place, your don't need anything. neither the pain, nor the anguish of becoming an adult.

You're courageous, You don't fear the pain. you're courageous, who be named to be brave. You shall come back to present.

That way, there is nothing but pain and anguish.

That's why, That's why I have to go. Because from now on, I have to carry on living by myself without you.

In the direction where you feel the pain, there's an exit!

I was afraid to open my heart to someone. But I'm not afraid anymore. Even if I lose sight of it, there's always a path somewhere. People are connected through narrow paths. Even if sometimes they lose sight of them, there's no doubt they're connected. Welcome back, you. I'm back ,you.


I don't really know what is means "to be friends."

But you, Yup, you were a companion who got lost on the same path as me, and you looked for the same path I did.

But we're companions only when we're looking for the same path. A person like me, if I always stay with other people;e, I lose sight of my own path.

May be you're right.

But Let's meet again. When we get lost again. Until that time, goodbye.

I'm courageous, You're the one who gave me my name.

From the line of "Dennou Coil"

2017-11-06

1番と2番のサビで伴奏リズムパターンが変わる曲

IRON MAIDENのFear of the Darkみたいな曲

あったら教えてください

2017-10-20

便利な英語言い回し

irrational fear : 非合理な恐怖

何もかもうまく行ってるのに、何故か失敗しそうな予感がするような時に使う。

2017-10-09

anond:20171008162514

すごくわかる。

自分は、結構ゲームが好きだけど、この増田をみて、ゲームをやり始めた頃を思い出した。

ゲームをやり慣れてしまうと、敵を如何に倒すかとか、そういったゲームが伝えたいゲーム性に目が向くようになって、ある意味キャラクターの死亡に慣れてしまうのだけど、

ゲームを、やり始めた人には、すぐには、そういうものはわからない

なんで、プレイヤー分身であるキャラクターの死亡が、共感のようなものによって、かなり恐ろしいものに感じられる。

これは、ポケモンドラクエと言ったターンベースRPGより、リアルタイムアクションゲームに、さらには、マリオのような、敵の出現が飽和してるものではなく、敵が強く、少なく出て、そして、敵も人間ではなく非人であるゲームとなるほど、このような初プレイ時の恐怖感は強くなると思う。

さらには、非人間的なモンスターとかは、普通に見るよりも、これらの効果によってゲーム中に出てくる方がかなり、怖く感じられるようになる。


もう慣れてしまって、こんな気持ちわかんないって人は、もしホラーゲーム経験者なら、まだチャンスはある。ゲームに慣れてても、ホラーゲームなら、これらと類似した感情を呼び起こせる、個人的にはフリーゲームではCry of fearとかが、おすすめだ。

2017-02-24

アンチエイジングというよりフィアーエイジング現代

まず、「アンチ=Anti=反抗」で「フィアー=Fear=恐れる」な。


何なん?

ちょっとシミできた程度で色々塗りたくったり、エステみたいな所いってホクロ除去したり。

シワを目立たなくするために注射打ったり(あれ見てわかるし、膨らんでキモい)。


年すりゃシワやシミが出来て当然なのに、やれアンチエイジングだの言って若く見せる事が正義みたいな風潮。若く見えないヤツは悪みたいな風潮。

老いる事にアンチしているというより、もはや恐れとも言える感情が見て取れる。老いる事は邪悪なのか?

マイナス5歳肌みたいなフレーズ見たことあるけど、あれくらいが妥当で、5歳くらい若く見える程度でいいんじゃね。


女性客の市場が枯渇したのか、最近じゃメンズも色々商品出してるよね。ちょー面倒クセェし、変に肌ツルツルでナヨナヨした男増えたよな。

人口減少で化粧品メーカーも売れる物なくなって大変だろうけど、恐怖植え付けながら色々余計なもの出して面倒な手間かけさせないでくれ。

2017-01-10

ナイチンゲールと斧

http://b.hatena.ne.jp/entry?eid=315450106

ブコメに書ききれなくなったので増田で。

http://ci.nii.ac.jp/naid/120005752638/en論文で、エドワード・クック「ナイチンゲール伝」(1914年)1巻に記載があると書いてある。

ネット原著があったので読んでみた。

原著の該当らしき部分は203p

https://archive.org/stream/lifeofflorenceni01cookuoft#page/202/mode/2up

この本には、ナイチンゲールが斧を持って薬箱を叩き割ったという逸話記載されていない。

シャツ等の物資の入った政府貨物強制的に空けたという話も「一般に広く流布している」ものの「確証はない」となっている。

ただ一方で”I think that Miss Nightingale was quite capable of the dreadful deed." (ナイチンゲール女史は荒事に非常に長けていたはずだと思う)とも言っている。

公式記録はないが、あの人ならやりかねん」みたいなニュアンスなんでしょうか。

(ちゃんと訳せてないかもですが。Roebuck Committeeってなんだ?)

以下抜粋

"February 1855, she received a requisition from the medical

officers at Balaclava for shirts. She knew that 27,000 shirts

had at her instance been sent by Government from home,

and they were already landed. But the Purveyor would

not let them be used ; "he could not unpack them without

a Board." Three weeks elapsed before the Board released

the shirts. The sick and wounded, lying shivering for want

of rugs and shirts, would have expressed themselves forcibly,

I fear, if it had been explained that they must shiver still

until the Board of Survey's good time had arrived.

Miss Nightingale's impatience at such delays was the

origin, doubtless, of a story which had wide currency at

the time that on one occasion she ordered a Government

consignment to be opened forcibly, while the officials wrung

their hands at the thought of what the Board of Survey

might presently say. The story was mentioned in the

Roebuck Committee ; and, though it was not confirmed, I

think that Miss Nightingale was quite capable of the dreadful

deed."

2016-02-18

アメリカが羨ましい

FBI裁判所と組んでアップルiphoneロックを解除できるようなソフトウェアを作れって命令を出し、話題になっています

そのことの是非はとりあえず置いておいても、Apple反論が羨ましい。民主主義自由を基盤に置く、すごくアメリカらしい反論

わたしたちは国を愛し、アメリカ民主主義を心の底から信じています。だからこそ、FBIから要請に再考を促ししたいと思います。この要求意味することを改めてよく検討することはすべての人の利益にかなうと信じています

FBI要求は正当な動機があると信じていますが、政府私たち製品バックドアを作るよう強制することは間違っています。究極的には、この要求によって、政府がまさに守ろうとしている自由が損なわれるのではないかと恐れています

We are challenging the FBI’s demands with the deepest respect for American democracy and a love of our country. We believe it would be in the best interest of everyone to step back and consider the implications.While we believe the FBI’s intentions are good, it would be wrong for the government to force us to build a backdoor into our products. And ultimately, we fear that this demand would undermine the very freedoms and liberty our government is meant to protect.


アメリカでは政府に「政府がやっていることは、民主的でないし、自由を損なうから、非アメリカ的で、間違っている」と言えます。つまり民主的であることや自由であることは、政府利益よりも上位にあります

日本では、どうでしょうか。「政府がやっていることは、XXXだから日本にふさわしくなく、間違っている」と、大多数の人が同意するような何かはあるでしょうか。政府利益もしくは「(時の政府が考える)国益」よりも上位に存在するものはあるでしょうか。あえていうなら天皇制だけど、天皇制歴史的にみても権力暴走ブレーキにはならないのではと思います権力を追認することでずっと生き延びてきた制度です。

2015-10-15

http://anond.hatelabo.jp/20151015122026

cardinality

[名] 枢機卿っぽさ

 

例:

Our two weapons are fear and surprise, and nice red uniforms with high cardinality.

我らの武器は二つ!恐怖、唐突、そしてこのいかにも枢機卿っぽい赤い服!

2013-12-21

オレなにやってんだろ

Google2013年のまとめ動画を見た。

そこで女性の声で

"Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born."

と聞こえた。

調べてみるとmalalaという少女UNスピーチした内容だった。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRh_30C8l6Y

スピーチ全体を見ると、教育について強調していて、教育世界を変えると言っていた。

その通り。久しぶりに感動した。

いまオレは給料の高い会社入社して喜び、ほしいものを買い、食べたいもの食べ何不自由ない生活をしてる。

でも、何かに怯えている。

有名になりたいわけではない、何かがほしいわけでもない。

ただ「オレが目指したのってコレだったっけ?」と、コレジャナイ感半端ない

このまま働いていてもmalalaのような人々の心を動かすメッセージは発せられない気がする。

理系院卒社会人2年目のオレ、さあどうする。

2013-10-27

歩きスマホをしている人へ

歩きスマホしてる人多すぎ。

歩きスマホしてる人って「歩きスマホは止めましょう」っていう広告一度も見たことないのかな。

そのスマホ使いこなせてないのかな。

特に若い人に多いよね。

と言っても自分20代で、ここで言う若い人ってのは大学生以下を指してます

本読みながら歩いてた二宮金次郎がいたような時代ならまだしも

現代の街は危険がいっぱいだよ。

かと言って注意する勇気もないからここでこうやって垂れ流すしかない。

で、この記事で一番主張したいのが以下。

個人的には歩行中は操作できないような機能メーカーが標準で採用してほしい。

万歩計機能のついた携帯電話なんて何年も前からあるし、そんな機能を今つけるのは簡単だと思うけどなぁ。

以下蛇足

I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction.

The world will have a generation of idiots.

アインシュタインが言った言葉らしい。

略訳「テクノロジー人間を越え、愚かな世代で溢れかえる日が来ることを恐れている。」

満員電車で銃を振り回す男に気付かず、乗客は全員スマホに夢中[Yahooニュース]

http://headlines.yahoo.co.jp/hl?a=20131010-00000106-reut-n_ame

2013-05-13

左翼FUDをやっている

ネット徘徊してると左翼が好んで使うフレーズがあることに気づいた

で、これってFUDだなって思ったわけ

FUD

Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt、直訳すると「恐怖、不安、疑念」

販売、政治プロパガンダで使われる修辞および誤謬戦術の一種。FUDとは一般に、大衆が信じていることに反するような情報を広めることで、大衆認識に影響を与えようとする戦略的試みである

軍事歴史認識での「世界から孤立する」

金融緩和政策での「通貨の信認がさがる」

右翼で言うなら、北朝鮮が攻めてくるぞ!的なことで軍備増強させたがるのに似てるかな

でも今のとろこ僕は右翼に分があると思うよ。実際北朝鮮は威嚇行動してるからね。あれをFUDだって言うなら馬鹿だよね

でも左翼のそれはFUDの域を出ないよね。

2013-05-09

Webサイトソースコードを全てプリントアウトしたことはありますか?

"Hacker News"のコメント欄から気になるものがあったので全訳してみた。

文系からプログラマーの道に入った自分的に、琴線に触れたので。

ニューヨーク証券取引所とある企業株式売買の様子を0.5秒だけ映像化した動画を見た人の感想です。

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5678116

日本語

いつだったかソースコードを全部印刷したことがあるよ。その時のソースコードASPHTMLCSSJavascriptで、僕の雇い主の最も重要Webサイトホームページを1ページ読み込んで出力したんだ。僕は紙を一枚一枚テープで繋いで壁に吊り下げた。

同僚と貴重な意見を交わすことができたね。技術に明るくなかったみんなは(大半はそうだったけど)凄く驚いてたよ。彼らが毎回ホームページをロードするごとに(1秒以内の短い時間で)こんなにも多くのテキストが読み込まれ、実行されることにね。

そんなことをしてどんな意味があったって?プリントアウトしたことが僕たちの会話に一定した感情的な緊張をもたらすのに役立ったんだ。1ページを読む裏で行われてる複雑なことに直に対面したことで"今すぐにやって、簡単でしょう"とプロジェクトに要求することが困難だってわかったんだよ。

同様に、高頻度で取引を行う果てしないスピードと複雑さに焦点をあてたこの話(注: HNトピックです)も、疎外感や恐怖といった感情的な緊張をもたらすのを助けてるね。"誰もコントロールできない技術暴力を解き放ったかもしれない"と、反射的にフランケンシュタインターミネーターと争ったのと同様の契機になるかもしれない。

でも、テクノロジーに対して思慮と公正さをもって対峙すれば、もちろん、そんな気持ちは起きないのだけど。僕らのくだんないパンフレットのようなウェブサイトが行き着く先はそんなに複雑じゃないと思ったよ。

原文

One time I printed out all the code--at that time ASP, HTML, CSS, and Javascript--that got executed for one page load of the homepage of my employer's primary website. I taped the pieces of paper end-to-end and hung them on my wall.

It made a great conversation piece with my coworkers. Non-technical folks (most of them) were astounded that so much text was being interpretted and executed every single time they loaded the homepage (in less than a second).

What was the point? It helped set a certain emotional tone to our conversations. Folks found it a lot harder to demand their project be done "right now, it's easy" when directly confronted with the complexity behind a single page load.

Likewise, stories that highlight the immense speed and complexity of high frequency trading help set an emotional tone of alienation and fear. It helps trigger the same reflex Frankenstein and The Terminator played off of: "maybe we're unleashing technological forces that no one can control."

But of course if you are well and truly versed in a technology, that feeling goes away. I knew that our crappy brochure website was not very complicated as websites go.

雑文

後半になるほど、訳が拙くなっていくのは大目にみてください。

たぶん多々あるはずの間違っている箇所、ニュアンス違いは突っ込み大歓迎です。

インフォグラフィックス、なんて言葉ができて久しいけど(今じゃこんなサイトであるんだね)、

僕が初めてこの言葉を知ったのはウェブではなく、生物学だった。

バイオインフォマティクスについて、東大サイエンスカフェに聞きに行った時、

この学問は「生物」と「情報」が融合した学問だけど、さら美術と融合させるような試みも

欧米ではあるんですよ、みたいな話を聞いて、美しく染め上げられた生体写真幾何学的な何かのノード写真

研究成果をこうやって示す方法があるのだと衝撃をうけたのをよく覚えている(...内容は忘れました、すみません)。

そんなインフォグラフィックスは、美術的なセンスと才能と技量が要求されるけど、

ただ単にプリントアウトして見せるだけでも、クライアントを説得するには十分だと

このコメントを読んで、その素朴さにはっとなった。

試しにTwitterのホーム画面でソースコードを見たら、2200行あった。

これにロードされるjavascriptライブラリCSSを加えたらどうなってしまうんだろう。

まらないプリント機を想像して、さすがにやめました。

僕は今、テクノロジーの詳細がわけ分からないという普通の人の感覚を抱きながら一方で、

ティム・バーナーズ=リーがWWWを考案してから積み上げられてきた技術資産を前に途方に暮れている。

おそらく技術屋として中途半端から、こんなないまぜな気持ちなのだけど、

今日IDEが示すままに分け分からないAPIを叩き続けて仕事をしているわけで。

どこかでこの訳が分からないと頭を抱えたくなるような感覚を克服しないと、歳取ったらまずいなぁ。あはは

2012-02-25

[][]

A rising tide lifts all boats

Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs get slaughtered.

Buy high, sell higher.

Buy low, sell high.

The market is driven by fear and greed.

2011-12-19

Tonight, the star are obsessed heart

【 1 】 searching. Summer mood

Warm sunshine in the body and melted the remaining the sorrow, but increase some warm meaning. Half a narrowed her eyes, look long rear its head, the suspension of the golden ball still smiled at me. The window, have always liked position, whether in the coffee shop or the teahouse or is a fast-food restaurant, as long as is the place all to sit down for the habitual by a window. So, I can clearly see the outside world, see clearly in the outside walk every one.

I am a fear of stay in that vague world people, can now, are steps into the relationship that vague. Once the countless times told himself, the person to work to clear and plainly, clean, neat. But, now of oneself, not only drag, ya, indecision is at sixes and sevens, blurred.

Summer, is a hot season, also is a easily lose season. Each people all have everyone's temper, and summer, let everyone's temper to acme. Stimulate each other's sensory nerve, little the release of anger. They have with anger, with anger passing, also have with anger of fighting the performance...

All kinds of people are full of all kinds of release methods, and I still slowly, don't worry about being by your side. Pay attention to you every day the fickle mood, ponder your mood every day of good and bad. Sometimes think, time is like a medicine, and like a poison. It makes us forget the pain before, but start the next paragraph sad. It let we abandon our past and desolate, but to a desolate.

【 2 】 summer. Away from grief

Spring as the fallen petal go, wearing a suit LuYeEr of summer in the jump in the warm wind coming, I like winning, jubilant welcome the arrival of the summer. I like summer, like the warm sunshine. Like the sunrise, also like the sunset. Like the golden sun, also like the warmth of sunshine.

Where there is sun, and I feel that my world will not too cold.

Where there is sun, and I feel that my life not too dark.

Where there is sun, and I think the world is full of hope.

Had the sunlight, I have confidence has been waiting for you.

The recent weather and began to change is full of sunshine in the morning, and at noon, will see the sun's trail, the change is the roaring winds, bully touching each corner, don't allow a little resistance. Recently is always looking for a variety of ways, to ease his trouble and sorrow. No longer let oneself and sad hook, no longer let yourself with tears become attached to, so, no longer let their sorrow.

Recently, always looking for all kinds of things to do, like have do not like, just like it or not, will be serious to do. So it won't have too much time to think some the mess of things, so that it doesn't always have my insignificant problem into the inside and you weep alone.

[3] night. sensational

With only a sunshine gradually exit out of the window, the moonlight slowly emerging, tight with all kinds of the stars also slowly appeared in the sky. The earth is a light moonlight and the stars into romantic ornament night. Little stars sings like pearl inlaid in under the canopy, ShanShanDe with a light, and the next you said nothing, as if to see this wonderful night.

Into that familiar with the place, the habitual open air conditioning, open the curtains, the outside world is still so wonderful, the stars and not because night and receding, but more glow. At the moment, finally understand, why do so many people like stars in the night, the night the crush.

Tonight's you, different from ordinary, striking a little can't believe. Don't know is his vision, or a real feelings, whether true or not true world. All like tonight's you, suddenly a few days before the fall of all scores brought. Perhaps that is part of your charm.

Night, still as black, so quiet. Just, tonight's night, less afraid.

I and, as usual, quiet looking at the sleeping you, the mouth cape raise filar silk smile and this is that light taste happiness?

__________________________________________________________________

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2011-12-17

力尽きた

I know how to become a super-easy Your Life?

Tips on how to live it happily for everyone

I become more comfortable with the power off

Also suffering are all spicy sloppy vision, and white security.

The world's vanities,

The emptiness of the first pain and sadness.

The world is going to change.

Can even change to ease the suffering.

If you can make your day burdened with dirty

It should be possible to throw away what we have so

I understood just how sloppy or the world?

Suffering and illness, and we insist on such things.

And stick to what I see.

Cling to the things that you hear.

Taste and smell differ from person to person

What is also not helpful.

The bad stick to tea mind wavers.

It is "free" What is he.

A big talk and while it is alive, various things are.

You can see what a miserable so difficult.

But I go place to place with us.

Which is invisible to anyone.

I try to be bright and without force.

Because you will enjoy about You can not see the future.

What guy I'm feeling it alive.

Be difficult to live and certainly correctly.

But I'll live can even brighter to anyone.

Tips have a Bodhisattva living. There is no need to live in suffering.

I enjoy living in it becomes Buddha.

Once knowing the risk would be quite bad

Reasonable fear of living is help.

It is misread

Throw away your heart you are, It's not to say.

Do not forget your dreams and fantasies, and compassion,

Once nirvana But even where it is located.

Life is no need to change anything, just the perception of change.

If you have plenty in mind, anyone become a Buddha.

Remember the wisdom of this melt. But few words.

Make sense I know that I'm fine without thinking.

It would be nice suffering becomes smaller.

You all suffering admits even lie no more bullshit, I like that.

Let the past may be a prelude to forget all.

But just want to remember it.

Look tweeting If you're so inclined,

It's just good chanting in the mind

You see, open your ears listen well

"You'll cast, the bad idea is disappears, the soul is silenced, all things in here, it's beyond everything. "

"At that enlightenment will come true. All will be fulfilled in this mantra. "

don't worry -- that's OK

2011-09-08

Feeling of the cat

Translated from http://anond.hatelabo.jp/20110907020451


For a long time, I am in a dark box.


According to someone's comment I heard outside of the box, a tiny bottle containing deadly poison is located in this box. Although the bottle is completely sealed, a hammer is positioned in the vicinity of the bottle. And they said the hammer would fall down at a certain time.


When is "the certain time"? I don't know. In this very moment? Or distant future? Possibly, it already has come (I don't want to think about it). No one can affect the hammer. As an independent event, it will fall down with probability 50%. The probability is exactly 50%. Possibly, the bottle may be broken, or may not. About myself, dead, or, alive.


I must say, how terrible the situation is.


It is impossible for me to avoid having a furious indignation. My life, the most important issue for me, is completely away from me, and is solely dependent on the simple figure, FIFTY PERCENT! Too much terrible.


Additionally, and I think it is completely unreasonable, I am shackled in many ways to keep the probability at exactly 50%.


Visual perception. The box is completely shielded from any light. It's for avoiding me from finding and destroying the bottle and apparatus. Complete darkness. I am in the total darkness. Thus, now I can’t see even the outline of myself. Possibly it sounds strange, the darkness makes me have a doubt about the existence of my body itself.


Acoustic perception. Maybe, from the reason I mentioned above, a perfect sound insulation is used. I can’t hear even the voice of my own. I don't know the mechanism. In the first place, as I can’t see anything, how can I investigate it? So, this is only a speculation, possibly, my drum membranes were damaged before enclosure in this box, or, some special material is used for the wall of the box.


Anyway, in a dark box too much good at shielding light and sound, my visual and acoustic perception is dead just as the term indicates.


As if further confirmation are needed, a huge fatigue weighing heavily upon me is another shackle for me. It seems that they gave me some kind of muscle relaxant to avoid me from struggling. As I can’t change from the same posture, my tactile perception is almost paralyzed.


No light. No sound. Smell and taste are unreliable. Tactile perception is in malfunction. I am like a puppet. All the five senses are out of control of mine. Too much cruel. Perfect shackles. I wish if they had given a sleeping medicine. I feel I am in agony without any external injury. My life, my existence itself, is completely ignored. Such a humiliation keeps my sanity. Only such a humiliation can.


The right to control the life and death of myself is completely deprived. I hate such situation. The core determinant of the continuity of my life is completely dependent upon, solely upon, a pure probability. Completely away from anyone's will. I hate it, again, I hate it!


Why do I have to be enclosed in such a box? In such a ridiculous box, why do I have to be in fear of life and death with such perfect shackles?


Unreasonable. Cruel.


I am lonely. Am I feeling empty and flat? Difficult to avoid sobbing? No. My loneliness is much deeper. I am in a sea of void. I am alone. Completely alone. As an orphan, I was thrown into this endless darkness. I am quivering in the absolute zero.


There is no perspective in this box. Only the darkness is here. I can’t feel the bottle and the hammer. I can’t feel the wall, the bottom, and the ceiling neither. They should be there. But all the five senses of mine are deprived. I feel like there is nothing. While those things have some meanings.


Speaking honestly, I am not so sure I am in a box. I am sure that what I am exists. I am thinking. I am fantasizing. It is the evidence showing the uniqueness of mine, which is called the ego or the consciousness or the mind, is solid. But, is the uniqueness is truly enclosed in the box? Is it possible that it is floating in another space? I can’t eliminate such doubts.


Possibly, what I am here is floating in the end of the universe, or is lying down at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Or going down from a vent of the Kilauea volcano, maybe.


I don't have any method to know how the box (enclosing me) is. All the senses of mine are dead. It is impossible for me to determine whether here is inside of a box or not.


In addition to that, I am not so sure that I am truly alive. I don't have any way to confirm such a simple thing. Possibly, the 50% probability has already passed beyond me. Maybe I am already dead. I am still alive, maybe. Injected with muscle relaxant, shallow breathes, weak heartbeats. Or, cessation of all of them, simply leaving meat bolus.


I am deprived of any capability of controlling my own body. Who can say that my mind resides in the body continuing vital activities? The five senses have been poisoned with the total darkness. They can’t function as sensory organs. I don't have any chance to know the truth. Possibly, any supposition is fabricated by myself. The situation surrounding me and the uniqueness of myself are components of programmed role-play, possibly.


About the existence of mine, I can’t determine the behavior. I hate to admit it, but I am in the middle of fluctuation.


I wish someone could find me. I wish someone could open the box and observe how I am, and determine what I am. There is not enough power inside me to do so. All I can do is to continue to quiver in the loneliness.


If I were the Almighty, I could say "Let there be light". I know it is impossible. But I can‘t help feeling how nice it would be if I could say so.


My own free will! It could fix every fluctuation surrounding myself!


At the same time, longing produces shadow. If the box is opened, I will be found and observed. As a result, what I am will be determined. To tell the truth, I can’t look away from the fact I am anxious about being determined.


Although I am unable to determine whether I am alive or dead by myself, I am afraid of the death. I am afraid that I am determined as a dead. I can’t accept. Still I can’t feel, I can’t imagine the death as a specific phenomenon. Probably, that is why I am afraid of death.


No, it should not be restricted to me. King of virtue. Deadly murderer. Regular folks. All the same. Maybe, the elder people or patients of bad disease could have some imagination sufficiently close to the true death. But, even so, it is impossible to know the specific experience of death.


In the end, death is the final destination with overwhelming significance. The time and the consciousness have an absolute irreversibility. Death also has the absoluteness which can’t be changed. Even if it is a ritual pass point or an outstanding impressive event.


Myself, the mind of mine here is, will be vanished at the moment at which how I am is determined. If they deprive the lukewarm water, in which I can’t feel the temperature, it is impossible for me to avoid exposing myself to the air.


I am afraid of such an irreversible change. It is not limited to the determination of death. Also I am so anxious that I am determined being alive.


The current existence of myself is like a tiny, tiny illusion standing on an endless point. Not larger than that. Not smaller than that. Not longer than that. Not shorter than that. No expansion. No shrinkage. Standing upon a unique single point. It is mathematically correct. I am something like a ghost staying upon such a point, having confusion about identity of myself.


The point exists at every position on a plane of coordinates, at the same time, not existing at a certain position. If a certain event occurs, on that moment, it will converge me to a single point among all the space-times, in which the event has occurred, as if having me step off a bus. Without any concern. Even if the point and I have been a one. The illusion, which has stayed in such a point, has possibilities of being real and being vanished like a mist, to an equal degree.


Now, I am existing in every time-space, I have every nature. At the same time, I am suffering from the loneliness that I am away from every nature. I wish someone can find me. At the same time, I am so anxious that where I will be, and that how I will be at that moment.


I have been released from the law of cause and effect. I am undetermined ever, for ever.

2009-08-07

2択系

http://anond.hatelabo.jp/20090807091544

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

* (失敗するのと、やらないの。ダメなのはどっち?)

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

* (人生がそんなに短いんだとしたら、やりたくないことばかりして、やりたいのにやらないことがこんなに多い必要ってあると思う?)

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

* (すべて終えて振り返ったときに、やったことよりも、言ったことのほうが多くなってるって思う?)

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

* (あなたは今本当にやりたいことをしてる?それとも、今やっていることに落ち着いてるだけ?)

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

* (物事をちゃんとやるのと、正しいことをするのと、あなたにとってどっちがより大切?)

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

* (あなたは愛する人を救うために法律を犯すと思う?)

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

* (最初に見たときはクレイジーだ!と思ったことが、後になってみたらクリエイティブだ!と思うようなことってない?)

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

* (忘れないといけないもの、手放さないといけないものなのに、いつまでも持ってるものってない?)

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

* (エレベーターボタンを一回以上押すことある?それでエレベーターが早くなると思う?)

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

* (悩み多き天才と、単純でハッピーな人。どっちになりたい?)

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

* (あなたが友達になりたいような友達に、あなた自身がなったことある?)

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

* (仲の良い友人が遠くへ行ってしまうのと、仲の良い友人が近くにいるのに疎遠になるのと、どっちが悲しい?)

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

* (昔の記憶の全部が無くなってしまうのと、新しい思い出が作れないのと、どっちを選ぶ?)

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

* (やってみもしないで、ホントはどうかなんて、わからなくない?)

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

* (最も恐れていることが、ほんとに起こってしまったことってある?)

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

* (5年前とかに、ものすごく腹が立ったことって何か覚えてる?それって、今も大切なこと?)

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

* (かつて出会った人で、言葉を交わす機会はなかったけど、最高の会話をしたみたいに感じた人っていなかった?)

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

* (一片の迷いもなく、善悪を判断することってできる?)

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

* (一億円の宝くじが当たったら、仕事をやめたいと思う?)

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

* (仕事の量を減らすのと、楽しい仕事をもっとやるのと、どっちを選ぶ?)

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

* (今日という日を、もう何回も繰り返してるみたく感じたことってない?)

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

* (ものすごく有名か、ものすごく魅力的な人になれるとしたら、寿命を10年縮めてでもなりたいと思う?)

ややこしい答えが必要なのは除いた。「何?」とか「いつ?」ってのは答えづらいけど「どっち?」なら即断可能かな?って。

翻訳ちょっと違和感あった。

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